I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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