She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
