so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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