Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
