everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
