I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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