Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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