Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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