i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
