i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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