Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just gargled with NyQuil
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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