your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
