Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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