Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
