my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
