do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
