how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
