Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
