I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Sorry my hands just texted you
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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