So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
