I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Randomize
