It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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