apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
