tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
