My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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