dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
