By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
