Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
