i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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