I just made out with a guy for $7.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
