is your mom at the bar?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
