I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
