is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
