dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
