I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
