Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
