Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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