Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
