I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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