We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
