why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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