ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's blow job season.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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