Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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