apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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