So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
