my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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