Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
