Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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