..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
