hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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