$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
