So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
