Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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