You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
