guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize