Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
