Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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