the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
