I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
