we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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