I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
