Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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