I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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