I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
