i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
