Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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