i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
