last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize