shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
