i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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