I wannas sexs uuuuu
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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