allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
