I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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