I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
